Britney Spears poses with sons Sean Preston Federline (L) and Jayden James Federline (R) during agame against the San Diego Padres at Dodger Stadium on April 17, 2013. (Jon SooHoo / Getty)
Britney Spears has told her sons she’s not willing to see them until she feels “valued” in their relationship.
The singer opened up about her increasingly fractious relationship with her sons Jayden and Sean Preston in a series of voice notes posted to Instagram. Both children are no longer in contact with their mother, and Jayden has spoken out about their troubled relationship in an interview with ITV News.
In the wide-ranging voice notes, Spears opened up about her faith, saying she briefly practiced Judaism but stopped when she got married and had children because her family became her “whole focus”.
“I had children and my whole focus was on my children, of course,” Spears said.
“I loved it though. They were my world, my focus, my everything. “
The singer said she cared for her sons “70 per cent of the time” when they were aged six to nine.
“And of course since they’ve been gone I’ve honestly felt like a huge part of me has died,” she said.
“Like I literally have no purpose anymore – they were my joy, they were my everything, I’d look forward to seeing them, that was what I lived for.
“And then all of a sudden they were gone and I was like, ‘Did my heart just stop beating?’ And honestly I don’t understand how it’s so easy for them just to cut me off like that. I don’t understand it. “
Britney Spears admitted she was ‘desperate’ to see her sons
The singer went on to speak out about the time she spent in a mental health facility under her conservatorship, saying “none of it felt legal”.
“And with my kids now making the claims that ‘she’s not good enough’, ‘she wants attention’ – yeah I do want to be heard and I’m angry,” Spears said.
“And I kind of subconsciously want to offend people because I’ve been so f ** king offended.”
She continued: “I’m afraid to inform you guys, I’m not willing to see you until I feel valued. I won’t be calling your monitor weekly who never did his job of informing me when you guys were coming. “
Addressing her sons directly, Spears said she should have told them when she was available rather than the other way around.
All I know is my love for my children is more than anything and I’m sorry if I ever hurt you guys in any way.
She said she should have valued herself “way more” but she was “desperate” to see her sons.
“I gave you guys so much attention it was pathetic,” she said.
“All I know is my love for my children is more than anything and I’m sorry if I ever hurt you guys in any way, and me saying I’m a child of God is something I shouldn’t have said to you guys – and me saying it’s my turn to say so, that’s something I should have said to my father.
“I’ve always been told the only person who can fix your heart is the one who broke it. Go to the source. He needs to be told but that will never happen because I pray he burns in hell, but until then Jayden and Preston, I adore you.
“I was told you guys have blocked me, but I will speak here,” an emotional Spears said.
“I hope you’re using your punching bag I gave you, you guys are unbelieveable in the gym, happy early birthday.
“You guys can do pull ups – wow, wow, you’re skilled in everything you do, I’m so blessed to even call you mine.”
Britney’s son opened up about his ’emotional trauma’
Spears’ voice notes come just days after her son Jayden gave an interview to ITV News about his relationship with his mother.
Jayden said that he and his brother “have both been through so much pressure in the past that this [his father’s home] is our safe place now, to process all the emotional trauma we’ve been through to heal, heal our mental state “.
He also addressed their absence from Spears’ recent wedding to Sam Asghari, saying: “I’m really happy for them, but she didn’t invite the whole family and then if it was just going to be me and Preston, I just don ‘t see how that situation would have ended on good terms. “
You were just like my other family. You secretly loved looking at me as if something was wrong with me.
In a since-deleted voice note, Spears responded to Jayden’s interview.
“You were just like my other family. You secretly loved looking at me as if something was wrong with me, ”Spears said.
“I didn’t need a family hiding s ** t in houses and whispering s ** t behind my back feeling subconsciously guilty because I paid for every f ** king thing in both homes – I needed unconditional love and support,” she said.
Spears has been increasingly vocal about her experiences with her family – particularly her father Jamie – ever since she was freed from her conservatorship.
The controversial legal arrangement gave her father and others significant control over the singer’s life and finances for more than a decade.